By Sharon Dunlevy
Foster parenting is sacred work. It’s also some of the most emotionally and physically taxing work a person can do. While we pour everything we have into caring for children who have experienced trauma, it’s easy to forget to care for the one constant in their lives: ourselves.
Burnout isn’t just a buzzword. It’s a real, measurable, and potentially devastating experience, both for the caregiver and the children they are caring for. According to a 2023 survey completed by the McKinsey Health Institute, approximately 37% of caregivers will experience burnout at some point. For foster parents, that number can be even higher due to the unique challenges of the role, such as navigating a complex child welfare system, managing trauma-related behaviors, advocating in schools, attending court dates, and often doing it all with little support or recognition.
So, what do we do when the well runs dry?
Let’s talk about burnout—how to recognize it, prevent it, and most importantly, how to recover from it while still showing up for the kids who need us most.
What Burnout Really Looks Like
Burnout isn’t just feeling tired. It’s emotional, mental, and physical depletion. And for foster caregivers, it often coexists with compassion fatigue and secondary trauma, what some call “the cost of caring.”
Signs of burnout include:
- Physical: frequent illness, fatigue, sleeplessness, hypervigilance
- Emotional: guilt, hopelessness, irritability, feeling numb or detached
- Cognitive: forgetfulness, difficulty concentrating, cynicism
- Social: isolation, disconnection, avoiding others
Case in Point: “Jennifer” had been fostering for three years when she began waking up dreading the day ahead. She found herself snapping at her children, forgetting appointments, and crying in the shower after everyone had gone to bed.
I thought something was wrong with me. I loved these kids, but I had nothing left to give.
What Jennifer was experiencing was classic burnout, compounded by unresolved grief and secondary trauma.
Why Foster Parents Are Especially Vulnerable
The very strengths that make great foster parents – compassion, tenacity, and a high tolerance for chaos – also make them prone to burnout. Many feel guilty stepping back, asking for help, or prioritizing their own well-being.
Barriers to self-care include:
- Feeling like you shouldn’t need help
- Not knowing who to ask
- Believing there’s no time for self-care in an already overly busy schedule
- Feeling selfish for prioritizing yourself
The truth is, asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Five Strategies for Preventing (and Recovering From) Burnout
Let’s move from survival mode to sustainability. These five strategies are practical, realistic, and doable, even in a packed foster care schedule.
- Set Healthy Boundaries
Boundaries are not walls. They’re the fences that protect your capacity to care.
- Say “no” without guilt
- Limit calls, emails, or visits that drain your energy
- Set and enforce “off hours”
- Establish realistic expectations for yourself and your family
Case in Point: “Luis” and his partner had taken in two teens with high behavioral needs. Caseworkers would call at all hours, weekends, holidays, and late nights. They felt obligated to answer every time. After a burnout scare landed Luis in the ER with chest pain, they set boundaries: no non-emergency calls after 7 p.m., and one weekend a month off from all foster-related meetings. They saw an almost immediate improvement in their emotional health and their parenting.
- Practice Time Management and Delegation
You’re not supposed to do everything. And definitely not alone.
- Use block scheduling and digital reminders
- Add self-care to your calendar like any other appointment
- Delegate age-appropriate chores to every family member
- Let go of perfectionism: “Done is better than perfect.”
- Build Support Systems
You need (and deserve) active support.
- Seek out foster parent support groups (in person or virtual)
- Use respite care without guilt
- Identify “go-to” friends and family who can help
- Engage in community networks (church, neighborhood, etc.)
- Incorporate Daily Practices to Recharge
Recovery doesn’t have to wait for a weekend. Small, daily actions build long-term resilience.
- Physical outlets: walking, dancing, stretching
- Creative outlets: journaling, crafting, music
- Engage your senses: aromatherapy, warm baths, nature sounds
- Listen to your body: rest when it asks you to
- Focus on the Positives
We don’t deny what’s hard. But we also don’t ignore the good.
- Keep a journal of positive moments or things you’re grateful for
- Celebrate small wins (like a completed homework assignment or a calm bedtime)
- Reconnect with your “why” for fostering
- Reward yourself monthly (yes, it matters!)
Your Burnout Prevention Plan
Here’s an easy template to build your personal prevention plan. Fill it out and revisit it monthly.
🟨 My Top 3 Stress Triggers:
🟨 My Go-To Calming Activities:
🟨 My Support People:
🟨 I Will Ask for Help When:
You can’t pour from an empty cup. Refuel regularly—you’re making a difference.
Final Thought
Foster parents are some of the strongest people I know, but even the strongest need refueling. Burnout doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re human. And just like the children in your care, you deserve support, rest, and compassion.
🔟 Quick Tips to Combat Burnout
- Schedule 15 minutes daily just for you
- Say no without over-explaining
- Keep a gratitude journal
- Delegate one task a day
- Attend one support meeting a month
- Use respite care guilt-free
- Celebrate one small win per week
- Limit after-hours communications
- Keep a “go-to” calm activity list
- Remind yourself: You are making a difference
Sharon Dunlevy is a passionate advocate for the educational success of children in foster care. With a mission to bring systemic transformation to policies and practices affecting foster youth, she equips foster parents with the knowledge and tools to navigate educational laws, ensuring these children have the support they need to graduate and succeed beyond the system. Dunlevy is also an influencer in the foster care space, using her voice to raise awareness and drive meaningful changes. To learn more about and connect with her, check out www.fostercaretrainingtoday.com