Keeping Kids Safe Online

In 2015, parent advocacy group Common Sense Media reported teens ages 13-18 averaged nine hours daily online, including time spent on homework; while tweens ages 8-12 spent an average of six hours online. Although current figures haven’t been released, given the rise in smartphone ownership, it’s not hard to imagine a dramatic spike in numbers. […]

A New Book for Kids Centers a Child’s Experience of a Parent’s Incarceration

In the new children’s book “Demetri Makes a Memory Quilt,” the main character, a young, school-age boy is agitated. Demetri rifles through his mailbox, but there is no sign of a long-awaited letter from his mother.

Demetri’s mom is in prison, and her messages are a precious lifeline as he handles growing up without her.

Over the course of 32 pages, first-time children’s book author Renée Menart describes how Demetri handles the often-overwhelming tangle of his emotions, with the help of caring family members and a supportive teacher. First, his grandmother helps him gather pieces of fabric that remind him of memorable moments with his mom to be stitched into a quilt — pieces of a polka dot towel represents a memory of a fun outing at the beach, where he searched for seashells and built sandcastles with his mom and cousin. Seeing his difficulty staying focused in class, Demetri’s school teacher Mr. Howard helps him draw a picture to send to his mom.

In time, the small boy is able to set aside his constant worry over receiving his mother’s letters, images revealed in expressive, earth-toned drawings by up-and-coming illustrator Candice Bradley.

Menart — a criminal justice advocate who most recently worked with the San Francisco-based Center on Juvenile and Criminal Justice — said “Demetri Makes a Memory Quilt” aims to serve as a resource for the millions of children with incarcerated parents who face uncertainty, stigma and longing. In an interview, she said caregivers can read the book to children and use it to broach difficult subjects: Demetri can be an example to others. He gets through painful moments by drawing or acting silly with his cousin.

“I hope that the book can be a source of healing by helping to open up conversations within families or be a story that children can see themselves reflected in,” Menart said.

According to the Pew Charitable Trusts, about 2.7 million children in the U.S. have an incarcerated parent, which comes out to about 1 in every 28 kids. Those figures are 1 in 9 for Black children, six times the rate for their white peers.

A 2021 study in the journal Child Development Perspectives found that the negative impacts of parental incarceration increase as children grow older. They are far more likely than their peers to struggle in school and face behavioral and other health challenges. Throughout the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic, these children have experienced further hardships, with in-person prison visits limited or suspended completely, making it harder to maintain contact between parents and children.

Menart drew on the stories she encountered in her justice advocacy work to write her children’s book. Over the past two years, she developed the book’s themes, centering on Demetri and his network of supporters, with a group of five parents living at Cameo House in San Francisco. The re-entry and alternative sentencing program serves formerly incarcerated women and their children.

Proceeds from the book’s sale benefit the nonprofit organization that runs the housing program, the Center on Juvenile and Criminal Justice, and other organizations that serve families impacted by incarceration.

The women who contributed to the story were compensated for their time, Menart said, and their perspectives shaped “Demetri Makes a Memory Quilt.” These formerly incarcerated parents wanted to help create a resource that would have helped their children navigate periods of loss, loneliness and frustration.

“The direction from the women and mothers of Cameo House was that this book really needs to be about the day-to-day of how a child heals in the months or years when their parent isn’t in their immediate life,” Menart said.

Rebecca Jackson, director of the Cameo House, described Menart’s book as a valuable tool for families struggling with sudden separation, feelings often accompanied by a sense of shame. She said her own daughters were 8 and 9 years old when she was incarcerated. And, like Demetri, they were left with few answers about why their mother was taken from them.

“Children cannot and should not be expected to understand why a parent has been incarcerated,” Jackson said. “For all children, it is about what’s missing. There’s always a sense of abandonment.”

While it’s important for children of incarcerated parents to hear Demetri’s story, Jackson said the themes of the book may be even more important for the adults in their lives to digest. For many families, stigma about incarceration can prevent kids from getting the support they need to stay connected to their parents, Jackson said, and caregivers may avoid talking about uncomfortable subjects or feel the need to keep the whereabouts of an incarcerated mother or father a secret.

The loving depictions of Demetri’s grandmother, aunt and teacher in “Demetri Makes a Memory Quilt” provide a model of loving support.

“The book is a medium where we can start to have these really hard conversations,” Jackson said. “It isn’t easy, but it’s important because in the deepest core of this, love is the message.”

Do You Have What it Takes?

I once heard a story about a high school that invited recruiters from the Army, Navy, Air Force and Marines to speak to the student body for a one-hour assembly. Each recruiter had 15 minutes to speak. The Army recruiter spoke boldly about being all you can be but did so for longer than his […]

Education Impacts

As successive waves of COVID-19 disrupted learning in many parts of the country, students of all ages faced uncertainty, fear and stress. None are more vulnerable than youth in foster care. Educational advocates underscore the ongoing challenges faced by young people in care, including growing behavioral issues in the classroom, difficulty accessing technology and a […]

Attachment-Informed De-Escalation Strategies

Parenting children who have experienced trauma and attachment interruptions, drives families to embrace new and creative strategies to help children heal, attach and thrive. Problematic behaviors are often symptoms of an underlying unmet need which cannot resolve until the root cause is addressed. This unmet need or safety often stems from a deep sense of […]

It’s Tax Time

Tax season is upon us. If you’re a resource parent, now is a good time to pull your documents together. Recent changes to the IRS code could mean added benefits for foster, adoptive and kinship families. You’ll want to check with your tax attorney, accountant or tax preparer before filing so you don’t miss out […]

Advocating For Reunification

“We are not an adoption agency” were the first words out of the trainer’s mouth our first day of class. She made sure everyone heard her — loudly and clearly — before moving to stand behind the old school overhead projector she’d brought into the classroom. After her announcement, one couple walked quietly out of […]

Jess’ Journey

Jessica “Jess” Larsen’s life has been one of transformation. Placed in a Russian orphanage just after birth, Jess’ biological mother struggled with alcohol addiction. At 11 months old, underweight and malnourished, Jess was diagnosed with failure to thrive. Arizona residents Carolyn and Guy Larsen adopted Jess and her sister, Maria, when the girls were 11 […]

Consider Yourself a Media Gatekeeper

Media time, or screen time, is a big part of our daily lives. We have become technologically immersed through our use and dependence on television, computers, smart phones, tablets and video games. While there are plus sides to our technology-infused lives, in many ways, it has also created challenges as we navigate the cost, safety, […]

From Foster Care to Caring Mother

There’s no question parenting can be a challenge. It’s also common knowledge that being a teenager is one of the most challenging and confusing times in a person’s life. Now, add in the difficulty of becoming a parent while still in foster care, and you have a situation that — if not handled well — […]